Dread Pirate Dean

As you probably know, my Oblivion villages each contain a bit of an Easter egg with one of the tombstones in each one. The "Dread Pirate Dean" which is basically a take-off on the "Dread Pirate Roberts" from the Princess Bride. Each tombstone has an epitaph carved on it which is based on a quote from the movie. Each village has a story to go with it.

The original epitaph and story was dedicated to Dean, one of the few good folks over at MudBytes who was made a moderator and told me at some point he was an Elder Scrolls fan. He also admitted to having pirated a copy of Morrowind, hence the pirate reference :)

Anyway, enjoy these. I post them here for posterity, and because they're cool as hell.

The Epitaphs

Here lies the Dread Pirate Dean:

Vergayun: Wasn't entitled to Morrowind after all.

Feldscar: Wasn't just mostly dead after all.

Molapi: There really wasn't anyone to hear his screams.

Faregyl: It didn't mean what he thought it meant either.

Frostcrag: Turns out it really wasn't as easy as it looked.

Urasek: It really would have taken a miracle.

The Stories

Vergayun (The original)
"Ah, Dean. I could chew your ear off for weeks about him. Used to be a pirate around these waters years ago. His exploits were known far and wide across the Nibeney Basin. Made quite a name for himself and had plenty of enemies too. One day his ship docked somewhere along the river nearby and he came ashore babbling something about Morrowind. He kept making claims to anyone who would listen that he had come into possession of the deed to the entire province! As the legend goes, he repeated his claim once too often and some Camonna Tong assassins silenced him for good. Nobody knows where his body really is, but I felt badly that he never got a proper burial and placed a headstone behind my house."

"Dean? That old scoundrel? He came breezing through here one day looking for the cure to some rare disease he thought he caught. The weird part is, he kept going on and on about being mostly dead, but he looked perfectly fine to me. If you want to know more, find Gruber and ask him. He and Dean spent some time together down in the tombs."

"Ah yes, Dean. Fancied himself a pirate or something. Truth be told, he was nothing more than a drunken fool. He and I met in Riverhold one summer. We sailed around the Nibeney Basin for awhile, but nothing interesting ever happened. Then one day he was up and gone. Got no idea where he ran off to, but some folk say he went to Morrowind or Black Marsh somewhere. Word has it he came home and then died shortly after. Nobody knows where his real grave may be, so it felt wrong not to bury him proper."

"Dean. Such a sad tale. You know he was a famous pirate along the Niben River? Oh yes, very famous. His exploits are known far and wide. One dark night during a raging storm in the bay, he sailed his ship up the river and docked to ride it out in Leyawiin. Word has it he took the opportunity to bury treasure around here somewhere. Some even think he may have buried it right here. Oh yes, if you believe the rumors that is. As the story goes, he came back a week later after the storms had passed to dig up his loot. He was drunk and stumbled over a rock and fell into the town well. They say he screamed for hours before falling silent as he hit the bottom. Nobody was around at the time, so his screams would have gone unheard. Nobody has been down to the bottom of the well to verify the story, so a body was never found. Still, it felt wrong not to give him proper burial."

"Dean? He used to be a famous pirate who sailed Lake Rumare and the Niben River. He made a big name for himself. He visited our village one foggy morning and told a whopper of a tale about how he'd had his way with the Emperor's daughter. Legend has it he repeated that story once too often and the Dark Brotherhood was sent to assassinate him. When they finally caught him, he pleaded with them that it didn't mean what they thought it meant. It didn't stop them from slitting his throat. Nobody ever found his body but it felt wrong not to give him a proper burial."

"Dean was quite the character. Used to be a pirate who trolled the River Niben. He's famous far and wide in many villages around Cyrodiil. He showed up here one day, for reasons unknown, and struck up a conversation about some great treasure he'd heard of. He searched far and wide, dug up rocks, uprooted all the trees, and left a big mess behind the tower even. One night he came in, exhausted. He was babbling on about it not being as easy as it looked. He spent one last night here, then left. We never saw him again. When word came of his death, and that nobody had found the body, we decided to give him a proper burial here."

"Oh, so you've seen the tombstone then. Well, Dean is something of a legend in these parts. A famous pirate who once sailed the Niben. The miners all claim he came ashore one day looking for a place to hide. Dean had apparently made some enemies out on the lake. Nobody is quite sure what the dispute was, but the miners took pity on him and let him use the mithril mine to hide in. The next morning, seven heavily armed legionnaires came to town looking for him, and naturally decided to search the mine. They were down there for hours, and when they came back, there were only two left. Both of them covered in blood and white as ghosts. They babbled on about some kind of monster deep in the mine, but they weren't making much sense. Nobody ever saw Dean again after that, and the miners were afraid to search for the body - if there even was one. To this day, nobody has ever verified the story as true. Still, it somehow felt wrong not to give him a proper burial."
"It is pointless to resist, my son." -- Darth Vader
"Resistance is futile." -- The Borg
"Mother's coming for me in the dragon ships. I don't like these itchy clothes, but I have to wear them or it frightens the fish." -- Thurindil

Well. I guess that's that then.

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Posted on Jan 25, 2011 10:18 pm by Samson in: | 5 comment(s) [Closed]
Alrighty then, just couldn't leave it in-game, eh? :lol:

Nope. Brilliant prose like this needs to be shared with everyone!

What do you mean no State of the Union Address commentary? Rants like those are classics.

About Dean and Faregyl. I honestly can't say I remember anyone who had a topic that explained Dean there. Or remember if the grave was there pre-release 2.0. I did notice it in the update but still no one talks about him. I probably missed something.

That's because in Faregyl 1.x the Dean grave wasn't there. Dean graves only started in with Vergayun and have been in each village since then. You also have to go activate the grave before anyone will talk about it.

Edited by Samson on Jan 26, 2011 5:40 pm
While I'd normally agree with Hanaisse about that State of the Union Address commentary, I blew it off this time myself too. The media was going way overboard with their speculation about Obama's upcoming speech.

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