To the jackass in the brown SUV on the eastbound 22 fwy this afternoon:
You're a fucking asshole. What the hell ever possessed you to come to a dead stop in the middle of the transition lane like that? Does your fancy ass SUV with the chrome spinner rims, shiny chrome "trailer hitch", shiny chrome mirrors, and the dark tinted windows ride so high in the sky that your feeble brain was starving for oxygen? Or are you really so pompous as to believe you need 500 feet in both directions of clear space in the right lane to get off of the freeway like that? Next time plan better. And keep the finger gestures to yourself or next time I may be tempted to shoot that finger off.
To everyone else reading:
Get this. So I'm on my way home from work today when, as you can probably guess, I was getting on to the freeway. Coming up the onramp, like so many others do, I hit the gas to accelerate up to speed. Call me crazy, but that is the whole point, yes? So imagine my surprise when suddenly this giant brown SUV lights up his brakes and comes screeching to a dead stop. Right in front of me. Yep, as you can guess, panic time. I jammed my brakes. I looked to the right, but the large double trailer semi behind me saw what happened and took that for himself. Probably saved the lives of... oh... 30 people? So I look left. Guess where the rest of the drivers all swerved off to? So here I am, decelerating from 60 to 0 in a space that seemed smaller than a sardine can. The car shifts slightly in the lane to the right, and I'm on the lane bumps. The hood is nosing into the ground. Remember that shiny chrome hitch? It's sitting at about eye level by now. Not good. As I'm diving to a stop, I hear what sounds like large steel drums clanging as the right tires bounce over the lane markers one by one. The ABS is humming as only ABS brakes can do. The car begins to slide a bit to the right. So finally I come to a stop and the front of the care rises back up to where it belongs. Scant inches from being in contact with that nasty chrome hitch. Luckily, the sliding motion took me off angle and spared me the impact. The rest of the equally stunned drivers whiz by on both sides, shaking fists and making assorted angry gestures.
So I look up. The driver of the SUV looks into his rear view mirror and flips *ME* the finger. ME! The one who almost caved the front of his car into the guy's rear end because the SUV is sitting there STOPPED ON THE FREEWAY! So he moves up. I have room enough now so I dart out to the left into an opening in traffic. I pass the guy, returning the finger gestures, honking my horn, and yelling obscenities out my now opened window at him. Then I realize. There's no cars in front of him. In any of the 3 lanes. In the 2 seconds this all took, they all drove away at high speeds. There was nothing impeding his progress. As I watched him in my mirror, it all became clear. He stopped dead in traffic to wait for a large enough space for his SUV to fit into so he could exit the road!
And they wonder why there's road rage and why the sane among us despise SUV owners. Now you know.
"It is pointless to resist, my son." -- Darth Vader
"Resistance is futile." -- The Borg
"Mother's coming for me in the dragon ships. I don't like these itchy clothes, but I have to wear them or it frightens the fish." -- Thurindil
Well. I guess that's that then.